Christianity

Worship. I’m Not Feelin’ It.

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It’s Sunday morning.  The traditional day set aside to worship God in community with other Christ-followers.

I’m not feelin’ it.

I didn’t sleep well.  My alarm didn’t go off so now I’m rushing.  I’m having wardrobe malfunctions. The kids are grumpy because I’m rushing them. The spouse is NOT happy at having to get up early on “one of only two mornings I get to sleep late every week” – esPECially since he/she stayed up late… very late. We fight on the way to church.  This should make for a wonderful experience this morning.

Open my heart to worship? I’m not feelin’ it.  Sing?  Yeah. I’m still mad, so I’m not feelin’ that either.  Raise my hands in surrender? SO not feelin’ THAT.

Okay. So you’ve had a bad morning.  A bad weekend.  A bad week.  And your feelings are hurt and all muddled up, messy, and hard like playdough that’s been pounded into a container by a 3-year old and left with the lid off.

What are you going to do about it?

Better question – what do any of those cranky, stanky, I-need-a-hanky feelings have to do with expressing worship to a great and holy God?

Our feelings, crusty and ugly as they may get, do not – can not – will not – ever change God.  In spite of whether we’re “feelin’ it” or not – God is Who He is.  

He is forever worthy of each one gathered deciding to shake-off-your-feelings, throw-back-your-head, lift-high-your-hands, and recognize that He is the Almighty, All-Powerful, All-Knowing, All-Forgiving, Ever Merciful, Ever Gracious, Ever Listening, Loving-You-With-Fierce-Abandon Father and Lord over everything that exists… and then worship without restraint.

Feelin’ it yet?

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Everything Happens for a… Reasonable Objection

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I HATE the phrase “Everything happens for a reason” – especially when it is used to placate others in tragic, or difficult, situations.

No, there is not “REASON” for everything that happens.

However, THE reason that tragic/difficult/evil things happen is because we live in a world that is the target of the enemy of God…

A world where political courtesy
has taken the place of right and moral fidelity…
Where saying “the right thing” for approval and status
has taken the place of DOING the right thing because the other person matters…
It’s a time when popularity, fame, and prosperity,
trump character, honesty, and integrity…
where Jerry Springer, Judge Judy, and Maury
capture fascinations while humanity scorns a righteous man’s story…
So yes, there’s a “reason” for all that happens.  For every tragedy, every disaster. Every bad, sad, mad thing that’s occurred.
Simply put, we live in an immoral and corrupt world.
A world where faulty women and men ruled by selfish ambitions
put themselves on a pedestal over God and fellow humans.

Now, don’t get it twisted.  Don’t make a mistake.  Don’t under-estimate it.
The God of the Universe can take any situation, that is entrusted to Him –
given to Him,
and work in and with it.
He can “IN all things…work for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose”.  He can.
He will. Yet this doesn’t mean that He causes all things that happen to man.
He ALLOWS us to make choices. To exercise our will. To DO as we like.
We seem to forget that there are natural consequences to every choice that we make.

Perhaps instead of casually stating “everything happens for a reason”, one should stop
and consider
Perhaps, just perhaps,
the continuing deterioration of morality –
the slap on the wrist for blatant criminality –
the open acceptance of crass and obscene behaviors and words –
or the fascination with the violent, the ridiculous, the shocking, and the absurd –
could be “the reason”…
And along with that REASONable conjecture
stop and think what part YOU play in this juncture.

Self-examination and growth is much more fruitful and mature than placation.

A God Thing In the Rubble

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One of my best friend’s house burned this past weekend.  The fire started in the rear bedroom and burned so hot that it collapsed the floor and burned everything in the basement.  In the basement had been stored boxes of books that belonged to me…and books are one of the things that I absolutely treasure.

I have learned so many things from reading.  In reading a book I can go places in my mind that my body may never be able to travel.  Words paint pictures in my mind.  I “feel” the heart of the writer when I read.  And God shows me so many things – beyond the written words – in even “every day, ordinary” books…  I absorb those things into my heart like a dry sponge.  Words, especially written, are one of the things that speaks to the very depths of my soul.    So books are a treasure to me.  And now most of them were gone.  Lost in a pile of charred rubble.

I went with my friend to see her home after the fire.  As we stood outside and looked down through that bedroom window into what was left of the basement below, lying on top of the blackness – outside of the pools of black water – was one of the most important books in my life Heart of the Artist.  It’s a book about creativity and the heart of God, worship versus performance, servanthood versus stardom, accountability, and how God can use the heart of the artist to reach into others’ souls and touch even the very deepest and darkest places with His love and His light.  And there it was.  It’s full-color cover was still intact and it stood out to me in the midst of the darkness surrounding it.  And God spoke to me, about my life, through that image…

In the last several years, the things that had brought me feelings of security, those things that I had considered stable in my life, had collapsed.  Things that had been comfortable and safe were gone.  Things that I had invested my life in were no longer there.  All had been lost in the rubble of a world that had fallen down all around me, charred from the fires of conflict and anger, seemingly destroyed.

And for the last several years I’ve cried… watering the rubble that was my life with my tears.  Tears of shame for the marriage that I had lost.  Tears of guilt for the failure that I had become to my children – not living a life that I was willing for them to follow.  Tears of grief for the ministry that I loved passionately, and was no longer able to do… no longer “fit” for in my mind.   So many tears in the last few years.  So many days and nights weeping for things that I had lost hope of ever being restored.  Unable to forgive myself.  Unable to recover, rebuild, or even heal in some of the wounded places of my heart and soul.

Yet as I wept I yearned for that closeness with God again.  I longed to sense Him.  To feel His touch.  To KNOW that He was still there.  That He still heard.  That He still loved.  (Knowing this with regards to others was easy, but accepting it for myself – one of the impossible things in my own mind).  I ached for some kind of confirmation that I was still “worth-it” to Him… that His gifts and callings – in my life – were without repentance… that my heart was still His and His hand was still on my life to minister to others – to use those creative passions in my own heart to touch the hearts of others.  This has been my painful journey for the last 5 years.  Tears of black water over a life of rubble.

Then today I see, untouched, The Heart of the Artist in the midst of a pile of crumbled, charred, tattered debris.

And although my heart is not untouched by the destruction in my life, God showed me – through this simple image – that my heart is still His.  It can be restored.  “Full-color” creativity can be uncovered and recovered by Him.  My gifts and talents are still intact and He still sees me worthy to carry those gifts.

I am humbled by the reminder that in the midst of the rubble that has been my life of late, God can still use the heart of this artist to reach into – and touch – the hearts and souls of others with His love and his light.